I love my son dearly, but there are days when I look at him and wonder where in the world he came from. Ever since he entered toddlerhood, I have been continually experiencing a vast spectrum of emotions when learning about his likes and dislikes, watching how he solves problems, and watching him interact with people. That range spans across being surprised, disappointed, confused - sometimes full of awe and admiration and sometimes full of shame and regret.
To give a light hearted example, Holloway's taste in movies, toys, and tv just leave me dumbfounded at times. I actually have an eight-year-old boy who refuses to watch Star Wars, Spiderman, Batman, Chronicles of Narnia, Indiana Jones, and pretty much everything else that is super exciting and fun. He, at least, likes comedy, so we can enjoy a few things together, but anyone looking in from the outside on our family on a Sunday night as we try to agree on a movie to watch together would walk away completely dazed and confused after seeing our sweet little three-year-old princess begging us to watch Star Wars, and then us, in turn, begging our eight-year-old to at least give it a try. I just never, in my wildest dreams, when I was pregnant with my son, imagined that in eight years I would be saying something like, "Come on! Plllleeeeaaase try to watch Star Wars! It is so awesome!" And yes, sometimes we do just turn something like that on anyway, claiming that the majority rules and that he'll just have to go read in his room if he doesn't like it. But family movie night is supposed to involve ALL of us, so at least once a week, we have to ALL agree on what to watch. But on the flip side, I can't even describe the happiness I feel when he is so excited about learning his verses for AWANA or when I see him reading his bible in his room after being given the task of finding something to do other than watch tv or play his DS. He also really enjoys things that I was never exposed to like team sports...he just loves basketball and soccer season. I, on the other hand, can't wait for those seasons to end so that we can have our Saturday mornings free again, and I don't have to sit and wait and entertain Bren during practices. So, we're just on completely different wavelengths, and though I know it's good for me...I KNOW that I NEED to be more patient and not as selfish - it's exhausting and is about to drive me crazy.
On a different level, Holloway always throws me for a loop when interacting with people - sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad way. The good way is his ability to make friends. I have always been impressed with Holloway's ability to make friends and talk to anyone. If there's a kid around, he'll find some way to play with them. Boy was I the opposite when I was little. If I was at a playground, I would go as far away from the other kids as I could possibly get...totally afraid of rejection and being made fun of and just wanting to escape into my own little world of fantasy and play. I remember being in awe watching Holloway just go right up to kids on the playground when he was little and asking them to play and then he'd have new friends by the time we left. That is so awesome. But then I turn around and an hour later we're at someone's home, and he's got the gall to complain about the food they serve him, or he runs into a kid from school who is excited to see him and he doesn't even respond when they say hi, or I catch him criticizing and correcting his friends over every little thing that comes out of their mouths. There have been times in the last year when I have considered just not letting him back out into the general public until he gets this part of himself straightened out. I mean, he can be SO obnoxious and rude and I just don't know where he got this from. Now he's not all bad...if he were then he wouldn't have been able to keep any of these friends that he's made. One thing I see him doing that always makes me proud is that he always lets the other kid choose what to do, even when we sometimes have a kid over who never lets him choose. It frustrates him, but he truly takes the golden rule to heart. There's one kid, in particular, who, when he comes over, is pretty bossy and pretty much dictates what they are going to do the whole time. I've pulled Holloway aside and told him, "don't let him boss you around like that....if you want to do something different, then tell him it's your turn to choose." And he always just takes it in stride and says something like, "Oh it's ok, I know that I need to show him grace." Yes, he has actually said this before! And it just blew my mind because I had no idea how to show another kid grace when I was little. If someone did me wrong, they were erased from my board...they might as well have not existed. So, his ability to forgive and show grace just astounds me...and I know that God is using that to help me in my life right now...and I thank Him for that.
So all in all, I guess it balances out. I have an inability to show grace sometimes, and sometimes, he is completely unable to not complain about food or to respond to people when they say hi. But that doesn't mean that we have to settle for these character defects and just accept them as reality. We need to be continually working to better ourselves and not allow such behaviors to effect our relationships and cause damage. So...I guess that's why God made Holloway my son and vice versa. We both need each other.
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